Overthinking And Its Effects On Your Relationship

If you are or have been in a relationship, one thing would be clear to you: they almost always lead to an overthinking mind.

A simple, unanswered text may lead you to obsessively refreshing your social media. You keep thinking if their boss is making them work late or if they are willingly ignoring you. Similarly, an off-hand comment regarding their partner ex may spark a Sherlock Holmes in you, ready to spark an investigation about how “over” they are about their last relationship.

The problem with this irritating yet completely normal pattern? Overthinking.

Despite knowing that it’s not going to get you anywhere, you continue to do it over and over again. With so much overthinking and the anxiety that often accompanies it, you do not remain in touch with your intuition. This loss of connection with your intuition makes you less cognizant of what’s going on in your relationship. Moreover, it can also take out the real fun of the relationship, too.

Just think about it.

How many times in the past, did you hear your partner say, “stop overthinking it?” You may have dodged this question with an answer like, “I don’t think that you are thinking it through enough,” or “I am not sure what you mean.” A lot of times, it is the communication that’s behind all the misunderstandings you face in a relationship. You say one thing, but your partner understands it differently. This complication becomes worse when you acquire the awful habit of overthinking, which is simply a way of processing information a lot more than it is necessary.

When you are overthinking, you are pulling from a much bigger pool of information than necessary to accomplish your task. This fact holds true no matter what problem you are facing — be it you thinking of why your partner comes home late after work or wondering if your partner still finds you attractive.

Every single person who’s ever been in a relationship is guilty of overthinking at some point, which makes the relationship much harder than it should be. All the negative thoughts keep swirling around in your brain, turning the tiniest inconveniences into full-blown arguments with your partner later.

What’s more, overthinking can make you acquire an emotionally damaging mindset. A mindset in which you start thinking negatively not only about yourself but also about your partner and the world in general. With too much negativity all around you, you will be incapable of spotting any hope of positive thinking or finding a path to becoming a positive person regarding your relationship.

Is that what you want? Certainly not.

So, if you consider yourself an overthinker who is on the verge of breaking their relationship, this book is your only hope of survival. It will take you on a journey where you will discover many things about yourself as a person.

Many people spend their entire relationship living with all the chaos going inside their mind and fail to reach out for help. As a result, their relationship dies before it can fully blossom. But you are not going to be one of those people. Not in this life. The simple fact that you have consulted this book for help is your first step forward.

With this book, you are going to shed your old, chaotic mindset and find clarity. You are going to find a way through all the noise inside your mind that turns you against your partner all the time. You are going to war against your brain to save your relationship, and with this book, you are going to come back as a survivor.

So, if you are ready, let’s begin.

Overthinking And Its Effects On Your Relationship

It is unarguable that overthinking is destructive for any relationship. This fact does not only apply to your romantic relationship with your spouse. Overthinking can equally damage your connection with your friends, colleagues, kids, parents, and everyone that has come in contact with you even once.

But how does overthinking destroy relationships? Where does it source its destructive abilities? The answers to this question form the content of this chapter.

Relationship Anxiety

Consider that you are in a relationship with the most amazing person you have ever met. You love and trust them, and over time, you have even learned the conversation styles of each other. Yet, your mind sometimes makes you doubt it all: you, your partner, and the bond between them. Numerous thoughts keep crossing your mind all the time.

“Will this relationship last?”
“Is this person the right one for me?”
“Are they hiding any secrets from me?”
“Am I even capable of maintaining a healthy relationship?”

Thoughts like these continue to wander inside your mind as you struggle to keep your relationship from breaking apart. Confused, you try to figure out what’s causing these thoughts. Lucky for you, there is a name for this type of constant worrying: relationship anxiety.

Relationship anxiety refers to the feelings of insecurity, doubt, and worry that may pop up in the minds of two committed people. This type of anxiety does not necessarily indicate a failed relationship. It may even hit you if everything is going well with your partner.

Five Signs Of Relationship Anxiety

Relationship anxiety can take up many different forms and give rise to various manifestations. The following are some potential signs that may indicate underlying relationship anxiety.

Wondering If You Are Important To Your Partner

As a sufferer of relationship anxiety, you may worry if your partner deems you important. For example, you may worry that:

• Your partner won’t miss you if you are not around them.
• Your partner may not offer any support or help if you encounter anything serious.
• Your partner is simply with you because of what you do for them.
• Stressing that they want to break up.

Every good relationship makes you feel secure, happy, and loved. So, it is perfectly normal to feel every now and then the fear of losing what you have at the moment.

However, when these thoughts take the form of a persistent fear that your partner might leave you, things get dangerous. This constant anxiety becomes more problematic when you try adjusting your behavior to secure your relationship.

For example, you may:

• Avoid highlighting issues that hold importance for you, like frequent lateness.
• Ignore things your partner does that bother you, like wearing dirty shoes inside the house.
• Stress a lot about the risk of your partner getting mad at you, even when they do not seem angry at all.

Doubting Long-Term Compatibility

Relationship anxiety may raise questions regarding the compatibility between you and your partner. These questions may arise; even your relationship is going great. Things get worse when you start questioning if you are happy in your relationship or if you just think you are. As a consequence, you start focusing your attention on all the minor differences between you and your partner. For example, you may notice how your taste of music differs. Then, you overemphasize the importance of these differences, which ultimately creates blocks.

Sabotaging The Relationship

Sabotaging behaviors often have a deep link with relationship anxiety. To connect the two factors, you first need to understand the signs of sabotage which include:

• Picking up arguments with your partner more frequently;
• Pushing your partner away by insisting that nothing’s wrong when, in fact, you are in clear distress;
• Testing the boundaries of your relationship, for example, grabbing a bite with your ex without letting your partner know.

You might not be doing these things on purpose. However, the underlying goal of these actions is almost always to find out how much your partner truly cares.

Reading Into Their Words And Actions

If you tend to keep thinking about what your partner said or did, you might be suffering from relationship anxiety. You may constantly think about why they don’t like holding hands. Or why do they insist on keeping their old furniture when you move in together.

Sure, these signs may indicate a potential issue in some cases, but in many others, it is just because they have sweaty hands or love their old sofa set.

Causes Of Anxiety In Relationships

Relationship anxiety can have several reasons: some of them are serious, while others are not. Nevertheless, relationship anxiety is a constant struggle. It is something that you want to get rid of as soon as you get a diagnosis.

The following are some common causes that may trigger relationship anxiety.

Loss Of Trust In The Relationship’s Future

Trust is an extremely important part of a relationship. It is the trust that forms the very basis of every relationship. Once shattered, it is very difficult to rebuild. The biggest and the most common cause of anxiety in a relationship is the uncertainty about its future. This uncertainty may arise from frequent fights, growing distance, or previous history of breakups. Irrespective of the cause, when a relationship loses its trust, the uncertainty it leaves behind generates anxiety.

Walking On Eggshells

Frequent fighting in any relationship can be problematic. The main problem behind frequent fighting is not only the fact that it involves anger, but it also includes the feelings of worry that you will fight again.

This worry can generate relationship anxiety since you get too afraid to do anything in the presence of your partner.

Negativity

Negativity is a part of most struggling relationships. This negativity is what hinders you from acting friendly and supportive of each other. All your playful jokes become negative, and you often use your words in an argumentative tone and for criticism. This constant flow of negativity from all sides appear to exacerbate anxiety in relationships.

Stress

Stress is perhaps the most important reason behind relationship anxiety. It is more common in struggling relationships as compared to the stable ones. This stress tends to develop over time and may even pave the way for anxiety disorders. The reason behind this stress can be anything. Maybe both of you are struggling with finances, careers, or sexual life.

When you are in a stressful relationship, you feel stressed all the time. Eventually, this converts into anxiety and makes the situation worse.

Self-Build Problems

Another way how overthinking can negatively affect your relationship is by creating problems when they are non-existent.

Consider this scenario:

You are sitting idle on your couch when suddenly your mind starts wondering where your partner is. They told you they’d be working late, but are they? What if they just made an excuse to avoid you and hang out with their ex? Even though they just called you from their office phone, maybe they have called over their ex in their office so that you don’t get suspicious.

Eventually, you feel that it is impossible to get rid of these feelings. Instead, these thoughts start dominating you. You are unable to break out of it, no matter how hard you try. Although you realize how your concern is extremely irrational, it does not stop you from worrying about it. Helpless, you may tend to seek reassurance from other people yet, the worry keeps on returning.

What happens eventually is that you get caught in a worry cycle. This state is extremely frustrating, paralyzing, and overwhelming experience for many. In these circumstances, the worry seems untriggered and so random that you are always anxious about almost everything.

Unable To Enjoy The Time You Actually Spend With People

Overthinking can most definitely create a storm of thoughts inside your head. It does not matter the place you are or whatever you are doing; there is a thinking cycle continuously going on in your subconscious mind. This phenomenon hinders you from actually enjoying time with the people around you since your mind is always on some other problem.

For example, if you constantly overthink how your partner might be cheating on you, it would become impossible to get rid of this thought. Even if you are out with your friends to grab dinner or away with your best friends for a vacation, your mind will always be thinking about what your partner would be doing at the same time.

In short, overthinking will hinder you from enjoying the present while worrying about what could happen in the future.

This chapter is for general information and personal reflection. It is not medical advice, and it is not a substitute for diagnosis or treatment by a qualified professional. If anxiety is affecting your daily life or your relationships, please speak to your doctor or a licensed therapist.